I'm also struggling, I have a DD and I'm recovering after a TFMR which left tons of guilt and 're now trying to have another child but I'm soon 41 and not very hopeful.. but many answers in this thread are helping me to see the positives aspects I could find in a situation that I didn't really choose.. A warm hug and keep focusing on your DS!! This simple question can reveal a range of emotions, from potential regret to relief. Coming to Terms with Being Involuntarily Childless. I was reading an article over the weekend about PND and several of the symptoms, I recognised. I also obsess over her dying. They may make a decision to be childfree then. While there are plenty of firsts to love and enjoy, there are an an equal number of endings that make my heart heavy with grief.
Before I know it, my son may push away my hugs and kisses for independence instead. A question rarely asked by those trying to conceive as we're very aware of the pain this question can cause. You can start a blog, or even write a memoir. And then I feel awful because having a back up child in order to allay my anxieties is a monstrous idea. At least it is for me. The transition to two kids has had its up and downs, but I can already envision them playing together. These feelings of incompleteness are not natural. A happy life is possible without children. You have no obligation to try every route possible before choosing a childfree life. This article was originally published on. Coming to terms with not having another baby now. Anyway I am getting rambly and incoherent -tired. Reaching a Particular Age That age may be 28, 30, 35, or 48, for either or both partners; this is a personal decision.
And there are also apps like TalkSpace, BetterHelp, or Doctor on Demand that offer couples therapy too. If you are a parent, I urge you to read on to hear what some of your friends, relatives, and colleagues may be going through. Or your health may be deteriorating, and your doctor has already warned you against having another baby. Can anyone relate and how did you cope? Catmint · 04/03/2013 22:33. And take solace in knowing you are not done growing in your motherhood. Grieving over not having a second child | Mumsnet. They are smart and funny and challenging in the best ways possible. Pregnancies and births are celebrated. Being involved in this project certainly helped by giving me another focus. You'll find yourself shifting blame, especially if it's your partner that's holding back the decision to add to the family number. DD is happy and sociable with lots of friends but I still feel very sad she is an only child. They may even feel both emotions. I had a terrible time at her birth where it was going perfectly for 5 hrs and got to 9cm and then she was in trouble and they used ventouse/ forceps but they came off several times and left our DD terribly injured and being treated for cuts on her head and face and having to go to physio etc for muscle damage and me terribly torn etc.
Today and throughout history, there are many women who are living with this unmet natural craving, the untamed life force within that calls for us to reproduce and nurture our young. Bring a baby to term. You will find you're stronger than you ever thought possible. There'll no longer be awe and joy of milestones as your infant learns to roll over, crawl or eat solids for the first time. Raising Kids Relationships Sex & Marriage After Baby What to Do if Only One Parent Wants More Kids It's not easy when one partner wants more kids and the other doesn't. But emotion isn't rational.
I know I need to look at what I have got and not what I haven't but it seems easier said than done. This is presuming I could conceive again - no. Often, you'll feel nostalgia when you're packing up items that mark milestones, Sippy cups, Halloween costumes, and toys. You're in control and can plan for the future, including vacations, college, or personal career goals. And then, at other times I am really enjoying my work and I think the last thing I need is a baby, as I actually found the baby stuff kind of.. dare I say it..! Just a sprinkling of remorse that I will never know her journey. Coming to terms with not having another baby or child. When parents with older children tell me they grown up "in a blink" because I know it has already gone too fast. I keep trying to remind myself to enjoy DS-instead of obsessing over something that probably isn't going to happpen.
On the other hand, while pregnancy is miraculous, I'm glad I won't have to go through it again. Or, you may decide you don't want to pursue specific treatments. I miss the anticipation of bringing a new life into the world. But how do you deal with two differing opinions on such an important life decision? Paediatr Child Health. These are options, but it's understandable for you to say no to them. You could always adopt or try IVF – Ah yes. The Void When You’re Done Having Children. The suffering is even worse if your partner decides not to add to the family number. It could be your health, your spouses, or other risks and circumstances that have forced you to abandon the hope of having another baby. I love our little family and believe it is perfect just the way it is. When I watch home movies and see their baby bodies in high chairs, immobile on the floor and wordless in their baby conversation.
I could technically risk having another child, but I don't want to hinder my health anymore than it already is, and ruin the mother my daughter has. You may need to make the final call. Childless is the term for those who wanted children but could not have them. Items that once meant a lot to you may cause bile to rise in your throat, bringing sentimental feelings. Holding babies, stroking them, talking sweetly. When I look through photos of my children as babies. You may feel like your family is complete with one child or you may feel like someone you haven't met yet is missing. The things you hate the most can sometimes be the things you think about when you know you will never go through it again. Reach Out for Support You do not need to do this alone. We all come to different conclusions about when our families are complete.
On the other hand, a toddler may not have yet grasped the notion that they are the top dog. Or only three IVF cycles. By Rachel Gurevich, RN Rachel Gurevich is a fertility advocate, author, and recipient of The Hope Award for Achievement, from Resolve: The National Infertility Association. When his infertility problems became resolved, I was 41 and a second pregnancy just hasn't happened for us. The void, though, is not an empty, desolate place. Thanks for your replies. In an effort to deal with these emotions, I've decided to try to live more presently and mindfully, something I have always struggled with as a planner and introvert. While others opt to find ways to be fulfilled in their current life or hope that their mind will change as their child grows up without a sibling.
And although you'll be sad that you'll no longer experience pregnancy and motherhood, you'll also be glad there'll be no more burp clothes or binkies. Trying to come to terms with having no more babies. Some feel the term childfree doesn't reflect the emotional pain that brought them to this life situation. Society also understands that the person who has lost their loved one needs support. But each month or each day, I see my youngest son learn a new skill and depend on me less and less, and I am struck with unbelievable sadness.
How do you manage these emotions? The obsession with something happening to your child is a feeling I can relate to. I really hope that you can resolve it. We may be done growing babies, but we are not done growing in our motherhood. I may not have had my own children, but I had saved a life and at last, I felt I could justify my life.