We have three children together and, he helped me raise my 10 year old daughter since we started our relationship. I mean, like, what makes like, I think if people come to me interested, about like, struggling with drinking, or thinking of quitting drinking, I'll certainly talk to them about it, obviously. You guys hadn't touched it. I have been in recovery for a while now, and I have learned a few things about the tangle. I took an informal poll on social media recently, and more than double of my friends in recovery are in a relationship with a drinker. So thank you for coming on here. I felt like he had just told me, "I think I'm going to get rid of all my pants. That was when I put two and two together.... Emotional Challenges in Recovery. I, you know, we sort of adjust what we do. So I was like, Mike, what do I say? Are they better at recovery than I am? In this episode, we dig into: -. I'd done too much damage in those four years that we were together before I stopped drinking.
PAWS can happen for several reasons. Um, you know, the first white elephant party that was not easy, but it was still okay. They're really cool. I'm a big nonalcoholic beer person. I was like, No, no, no wine, you're dead. I leaned in to kiss him and I sniffed. Is their sobriety stronger than mine? So like from a husband's perspective, whose wife has quit drinking? What if there was just one really colossally bad day—and there was all that beer, just hanging out, waiting for me? And that's pretty amazing. And she invited me to be part of this book club. It's also helpful to find outside support, such as specialized alcohol therapy or therapist-moderated support groups (check out Monument's support group dedicated to navigating relationship challenges and sobriety or moderation).
I only speak positively about him. And, you know, wasn't lost on me that, you know, we didn't have the same conversation went on Friday nights due to my high school, my high school basketball coach to write when you come to high school basketball games with your, you know, little Yeti tumbler, full wine, you know, sit in the stands, right like that, that if we didn't have a conversation before that, like, Hey, you think that's a good idea, and people are gonna judge me. Ongoing support from counselors or therapists can help reduce the symptoms of PAWS when your spouse stops drinking. I am the daughter of one person with alcohol addiction and another with a substance addiction. And in that solidarity of just listening, I will heal. That kind of gone away, right? I don't think that I really, I certainly didn't understand at the time, and not until much later when we talked about it the amount of, I think self-loathing that went into it right for you, right? Because, you know, you know, it's easier for somebody that I'm like, Yeah, I don't I don't trust with red wine. If they don't, if I go downstairs, this goddamn bottle of wine is there. Never Take Someone Else's Alcohol Abuse Personally. Meet them where they're at and try to fill the gaps so that their sobriety can be successful.
Well, and even I'm sure I got to the point where I was not walking well or tripping and falling or whatever. It seems ludicrous and exhausting to spend the rest of our lives being afraid of physical intimacy with my husband. When we landed in marriage counseling, we'd been together for around six years (with that whole nine-month break in the middle) and I'd only been sober a third of that time. Take a screenshot of your favorite episode, post it on your Instagram and tag me @caseymdavidson and tell me your biggest takeaway! Once the babies were weaned we resumed our routine of regularly having a drink or two and then sex-which I enjoyed. Even though I wasn't drinking to get drunk I didn't like the way I felt the next morning and I didn't want my kids to grow up learning that having alcohol on a regular basis is just what grownups do. And she was like, though, and they were like, yeah, Casey, do you remember when you jumped on Brian's back to the like, do this like dance thing?
I'm not constantly saying I'm going to do something and then failing. When your partner quits drinking alcohol, they will likely go through phases such as acute withdrawal, and Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) as their system rebalances itself. How to Be Sober and Not Hate Your Spouse. And then as soon as you get there looking back at your spouse and being like, how can you still do that? Gradually work on communication and trust. But just be talked that through pretty honestly, yeah. And so like I said, you got to be willing to evolve with each other.
If you're beginning this journey and not sure how to engage your partner, here's more information from a therapist about how to ask your partner for support in your recovery. Your spouse can get all the help they need from the comfort of home—without attending a treatment center. No one else makes someone drink too much, to the point that it leads to an alcohol use disorder. So, you know, places we used to go or things we used to do or whatever, right, some of those are. They often suffer as well, and they have the burden of trying to help and facing the decision of what to do if their help isn't enough. And so there's a certain level of mistrust in that decision. But like, it felt actually really good again to do that. And you were like, you don't drink?
As soon as I decided to quit drinking, I removed all of the physical things that could trigger me from my home. The course includes the exact step by step coaching framework I work through with my private coaching clients, but at a much more affordable price than one on one coaching. Many asked, "Do you mean problem drinker? I have been doing the work to work on myself like exercise, diet, and mindfulness. He asked me how I was and if I needed anything. And you were like, what are you talking about? Alcohol use disorder can put a strain on any long-term relationship. And how there weren't that many hours for us to be around. And you might not I remember my first. Softening or ensuring he won't experience the negative consequences of drinking. And so I think the I don't know, if dice or whatever, I just like, we don't realize sometimes how much if we're going to be with somebody for you know, what, 60 years or something like that they're going to evolve, Casey McGuire Davidson 36:27. right?
So that kind of was on you on Thursdays to get the kids and get dinner. Yeah, and, you know, I it's a it has its limits, right. I feel like I'm being unfair to change the rules after more than a decade. Thank you for trusting me and happy. I write about being alcohol-free and I give support to others. So there's a lot packed in to the first part of our conversation, which was Episode 71, the podcast episode right before this one. I found him packing up the bottles and taking them to our neighbors, and I realized I was scared. And the other thing that you've been really, I think, good at that's a danger is like, you go from, you know, you go from the person with a, you know, problem drinking to being sober. In this sort of part two episode, we're gonna dive into what our marriage has been like, is like what parenting is like, since I stopped drinking, so we sort of dive into the last five and a half years, both early sobriety and as we go on.
And her therapist said to her, maybe it's not sobriety you're bored with maybe it's just life that you're bored with? And it was always amazing how much you felt the need to be secretive in the beginning about making this like positive change? And it doesn't have to be forever. And, you know, you're like, well, they're gonna judge me, you know, for it. Well, so when I stopped you, I kind of wanted to talk about things that spouses can do or things that you did. Even when other women complain about their husbands, I chime in and only have good things to say about mine.
Finally, some medications for alcoholism may help the brain rebalance itself after quitting drinking. From this very kind of just personal. And very different than going to the wine tasting bars. And I wondered at it. So when I'll get you know, gifts and whatnot, right bottles of wine, and I make sure to read gift them, you know, bring him home, right? It was like, I'm going to bed. It is difficult to understand your loyalty to a man who is incredibly abusive. We talked about in part one, how I was really defensive about my drinking and how much I didn't tell him how secretive I was about all the thoughts going on in my head about how worried I was about my drinking and how would that appeared to him how he just kind of saw me especially in the mornings, when I was hung over is just really irritated and defensive and distant.
Starting a New Chapter. It was just this gorgeous reception around this pool. Like we hadn't talked about. I mean, I don't really need them.